Shame lives in the shadows but not everyone deserves to know our pain. So how do we know when we are ready to share and with whom we can share our pain? And where do we even begin?

Start small.

Start by writing about whatever it is. Writing activates a different part of your brain and you may even uncover parts of the story you weren’t already aware of when it was stuck in your head.   You may even want to write it out a couple of times to help you organize your thoughts. This will make it easier to even think about how to tell another person.

Tell one person.

Just start with one, someone who has been kind and supportive in the past. Let them know that it is difficult for you to share this with them and chose a time when they are able to give you their full

attention.

Take care of yourself.

Take it easy on yourself afterwards, knowing that you just did something big and scary. Plan to be tired and need rest afterwards so plan something soothing like a healthy dinner and/or a hot bath so you have something to care for yourself with.

Write it out again.

Write about what is was like to share with someone else, the good parts and the bad. Write about the feelings you had about yourself, the origin of the pain and the person you shared it with. Did you pick the right person? Did you learn that they had experienced something similar and could relate?

After some time has passed… Is it time to tell someone else the story and repeat the process again? Remember that shining the light on your pain helps to drive out shame, especially if tell the right people.

As always, I’m here.  If you are ready to live your best life, call me and let’s get started!

Shame lives in the shadows. It wants you to stay small, afraid and alone. One of the most powerful parts of shame is its ability to make you feel like the people whom you care for will reject you if they truly knew this about you.

It’s as though it is raining, really hard but only on you and everyone else is basking in the sunlight.

That’s all well and good but it certainly doesn’t make it easier to share does it?

We’ve all met someone who over shared and made the people around them uncomfortable.   So how do we know when and how to share?

1. Who has earned the right to hear your story? Brene Brown suggests that we ask ourselves this question before we share something big, scary and difficult with someone. Has this person demonstrated their support for you in the past? If not, maybe reconsider them as an option.
2. Why am keeping this a secret? How does holding on to this pain serve me?
3. What would it mean to let this go? Would it be a big weight off your shoulders to stop carrying this around? If so… it’s probably time to talk to someone.
4. How would life change if you stopped telling yourself that you are less than or not enough because of this shame? How many things has this shame kept you from enjoying, accomplishing, experiencing?
5. When are you ready to love yourself ‘as is’? You aren’t perfect, but no one is or ever will be. The race to perfection has claimed a lot of causalities, are you ready to be another?

Shame is a common human experience but is also toxic. Just because it’s common doesn’t mean that it’s a good idea… like shopping at Walmart. You know you’re gunna save some money but you may also see a dumpster fire.

As always, I’m here!  What is something small that you can give up on today?  I dare you.  🙂

Happy first day of May!!!

A client shared THIS clip of comedian Pete Davidson on SNL with me and while it made us both laugh, I thought it was also a good way to bring up talking about the shades of gray in mental health.

One of my favorite books of all time, Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl discusses (among other things) suffering.  Frankl, a Holocaust survivor writes that suffering is a universal experience and one person’s suffering should not/cannot be measured against another’s.

That said, while suffering is universal, we may not all share the same ease to rebound from pain.  I think that is part of Davidson’s point.  While you may have experienced a panic attack, there are those who are unable to leave their homes for extended periods of time because their panic attacks are debilitating.  And while one person’s suffering is not greater than another’s, we cannot presume to think we know exactly what others are going through.

I truly believe that laughter is the best medicine.  If you have a video like this, please feel free to share it with me!