Our culture sets up a weird fine line we all have to walk. You should love and accept yourself the way you are but if you like yourself too much, you are a narcissist. Plus, while you are supposed to love and accept yourself as is, you are also supposed to be thinner, prettier, healthier, etc. Most people I come across say the most hateful things to themselves. For some, this eventually comes out as judgment towards others but for many there is a different set of rules for yourself that for everyone else…
- Do you wait to decide if you like something until someone else says they like it? (Only to tell yourself later that they were just being nice.)
- Do you feel inferior to others?
- Do you second guess all of your decisions/beliefs/thoughts/choices?Do you call yourself names and criticize yourself?
For better and for worse, you will not be able to have the things you want in life, until you learn to like and trust yourself. I know, easier said than done.
I have even had clients say to me that they could love themselves when they received love from someone else. The sad truth is that if we don’t like and even love ourselves we make it difficult (not impossible) for other people to love us. And people are people, they are going to let us down. Even the good ones will stumble and hurt us from time to time so we cannot rely on someone else’s love to make us whole.
What if you have no idea where to begin?
Start with the basics. Are you sleeping? Are you eating healthily? Are you showering and brushing your teeth?
Next, what do you enjoy and when are you doing it? What are your proud of and grateful for? These might be a more difficult questions to answer but they are just as important. Knowing what you can look forward to each day is really important. Knowing what you are grateful for can help you see the day and yourself a little differently.
This isn’t easy….
If being happy were easy, everyone would do it and marketing companies would be at their wits end at how to sell you stuff you don’t need. One of my favorite songs is “Easy” by Cowboy Mouth. The chorus;
Easy to bitch, easy to wine, easy to moan, easy to cry, easy to feel like there aint nothin’ in you life.
Harder to work, harder to strive, hard to be glad to be alive.
But it’s really worth it, if you give it a try.
I think that there is a fallacy that happiness will or should come easily. As though somehow if you accomplish a certain goal or have a certain relationship could allow you to completely transform inside. You know, like a Disney movie!
Like it or lump it. Happiness is a choice. One that requires daily work and effort. The sooner you stop looking for outside forces to help you feel better about yourself and get started on the work to do it yourself, the sooner you will actually get to taste some of that happiness.
As always, I’m here. If you are ready to live your best life, call me and let’s get started!