Earlier this summer, Central Texas experienced heartache that left many of us feeling raw, shaken, and deeply connected to loss. Whether it was from the floods or other personal griefs, this season has been a reminder that none of us are ever too far removed from tragedy. Even when the pain isn’t directly ours, we feel it—because we’re wired for empathy.
As a therapist specializing in trauma and couples work, I often hear people minimize their emotional responses. “I shouldn’t be this upset,” they’ll say. But our nervous systems don’t follow logic—they follow connection.
One of my closest friends recently lost someone she didn’t know well but felt deeply connected to: an 8-year-old girl, the daughter of a lifelong acquaintance. Her own kids had played with the little girl. The families had history. And when that child was lost in the floods, my friend grieved—hard. She felt shaken by how personal it all felt and how anxious she became. And then she felt guilty for feeling that way.
We talked. I reminded her: there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Feelings don’t need permission.
After the funeral, she told me she felt a shift. Not peace, not resolution—but a little more grounded. That shift, I believe, came from two powerful sources:
1. Rituals Matter
We don’t always realize how much we need communal grieving rituals until we experience one. Humans are social creatures. We celebrate in community, and we heal in community. When we cry beside others who are also hurting, we feel seen. We feel less alone. The pain is still there—but it’s no longer isolated.
Rituals like funerals, memorials, and vigils give shape to grief. They anchor us. Even when words fail, the shared experience speaks for us.
2. We Need to Say the Hard Things
My friend found comfort not just in the community, but in the honesty shared during the funeral. The little girl’s family didn’t sugarcoat the pain. Her father and brothers stood up and spoke about her openly. They said her name. They shared what made her sparkle. It hurt, but it healed.
Love is what gives life meaning. And speaking that love out loud helps carry it forward.
How to Support Someone Who’s Grieving
If you’ve ever felt unsure of what to say to someone who is grieving, you’re not alone. Grief makes most of us uncomfortable. We’re quick to reach for phrases like “it’ll be okay,” even though we don’t really know that it will be. But well-intentioned comfort can sometimes feel dismissive.
Instead, consider this:
- “I can’t imagine what that’s like.”
- “What has that been like for you?”
- “I don’t have words, but I’m here.”
It’s okay not to fix it. You don’t have to have the perfect thing to say. Presence matters more than platitudes.
Of course, boundaries are important. You don’t have to open the door to every person’s pain. But if someone you love is hurting and you want to be supportive—start with empathy. Let them talk. Witnessing their pain without trying to erase it is one of the most powerful gifts you can offer.
Therapy for Grief, Trauma, and Connection
Whether you’re carrying recent loss, unresolved trauma, or relational disconnection, you don’t have to do it alone. I currently have a few openings for individual or couples therapy, either virtually or in person for Texas residents.
If you're looking for a trauma-informed therapist in Texas, or you're in a relationship that’s feeling strained by grief, transition, or life stress—I’d be honored to support you.
Reach out today to schedule a consultation or learn more about how we can work together.