Most people associate goal setting with deciding to do something, then doing it. In an over simplistic way… yes. But the truth is most goals require the cooperation of others some times in small ways and others in big ways. There are essentially two types of goals, individual goals/goals of self and relational goals and both require the participation of others.
Individual goals/Goals of self
Individual goals or goals of the self are things like physical fitness, finishing school, reading X number of books in a year, etc. Most of the time we need all sorts of help with all of these!!
First, resources are needed. Sure, tons of stuff can be found from google but asking people who have figured it out or who have at least gotten further in the process is MUCH better. One size will never fit all but if you know someone who has done it or is doing it, then asking them how they do it is at least a place to start! Their strategy may or may not work but you will learn if it doesn’t work and you will benefit if it does. Asking for help is huge. There is a solution to every problem and often it begins with asking for help.
Second, research has proven that when an individual is held accountable for their goals, they are far more likely to continue to work at them and ultimately achieve them. “No man is an island.” This was true in 1642, when John Donne said it and it is no less true today. If COVID taught us nothing it’s that we actually do need human interaction and connections.
Third, be impeccable with your word. When you take on something new and big you will have to adjust your limits. That means potentially saying no to things you may have said yes to in the past. You may have to re-draw some boundaries with other people and set new limits. That does not mean that those things are less important but if you’re seeking change… Then things need to change. Being impeccable with your word (“The Four Agreements” by Ruiz) in part means that you are honest with yourself and others about your limits.
How often have you longed for a shift in one or more of your relationships? Introspection here is important. What stories are you telling yourself? When is the last time you watered your own grass instead of comparing your lawn to someone else’s or thinking that someone else is better or easier to be with? When is the last time you thought about the impact you have on the other person and how you have contributed to the situation you find yourself in?
There are times everyone needs a reminder that the people around them can’t read their minds. If you are mad/hurt/irritated by something and you don’t bother sharing that, the other person is under no obligation to solve a problem they don’t know exists! This is true for family members, friends, kids, partners, coworkers, bosses, medical professionals, etc. If you can’t be bothered to talk about what you need, why should they be bothered to do anything differently?
“It works IF you work it.” Note, that the expression doesn’t say it works if you silently hope it works and take no actions at all to get your needs met.
As always, I’m here. If you are ready to work on having the life you want, call me and let’s get started!