So many people both single and in relationships hold on to the idea that if they were just in a happier relationship, then their lives would be better, easier and more fulfilling. But that simply is not the case. It is not possible for your relationship alone (or your kids, or job, etc.) to meet all of your needs. If you want to improve your love life, it starts with you, your choices and the way you spend your time.
Debbie Dower is not hot
While it is important to share your hardships with the ones you love, it is just as important that you seek joy. When all we have to share is unhappiness and suffering it brings us down as well as the people around us. For you and the people you love or want to attract, go have fun! Engage in your hobbies, try new things. Don’t be the person who seems intent on only seeing the worst, scariest, hardest parts of life.
Eat something!
There are a lot of ways to love yourself and paying attention to your nutrition is important. I’m not a big fan in fad diets and fixating on denying yourself things. When in doubt add. Add vegetables, lean meats and whole foods. If nutrition is a struggle for you, add as many healthy, whole foods as you can before you worrying about removing things from your diet.
Do something!
Our brains benefit from novelty. Do something you’ve never done, the bigger the better. If that feels hard, start small and try restaurants you’ve been wanting to try. Even if you get take out, it’s important to try things you’ve never tried before. We all have a list of things we want to try. What are you waiting for? Today is just as good as any to do the things on that list. Tomorrow isn’t promised, it’s ok to give yourself permission to enjoy today and that excitement will benefit those around you.
Spend time with your friends
Whether you are single or in a relationship, the person who is right for you wants you to be your most authentic and happy self. That includes spending time with people who are get you, encourage you and that you share interests with. It great for a partner to be your best friend and critical that they are not our only friend.
Day dream
It is so powerful to think about what wonderful things could come in the future. It can also be a great time to learn about which parts of your life you a longing to have a shift within. Day dreams can help point us in the direction of things that are calling to us. While every whim couldn’t possibly be acted on, they can help open us up to new challenges we are ready to embrace.
Spend time with yourself
Spending time with yourself, especially to consider what you may be working to avoid. TV, internet, drinking, drugs and even food can be ways of numbing, avoiding and escaping. Time alone is a great way to let those things come to mind. Avoiding problems typically just makes them worse. Though working to avoid a feeling can feel good in the short term, it is often not nearly as bad as we think it will be to just allow the feeling to come and go.
As always, I’m here. If you are ready to work on having the life you want, call me and let’s get started!